Did you ever desperately need to be putting grades in your school computer, or grading final exams, or boxing the 7,230 books you own for transport to the house you just purchased, or reading Mansfield Park, or trying to catch up on sleep you've missed because you drive seven hours to graduate school twice a week?
Yep.
So here's the stuff I've found on the internet recently that's fascinated me . . . a hearty Dyersburg thanks to everyone who e-mailed in to contribute to this list -- oh yes, that's only me, Brad Denton, mad props. I am my own peeps. Holla!
(Can you tell I'm not sleeping well?)
1. Random Shirts, Home of the $10.00 tee!: Wow. I've already purchased the double sided "Calvinism -- This shirt chose me/Armenianism -- I chose this shirt" tee, so don't think you've cornered the market on individuality, hombre. I am more expressive than you are, by cracky! (If you know what "by cracky" means, please write in and explain it to me. Or should I do like that weird guy in my grad school class and refer to myself using the editorial and royal "we." Yep, I like that better. If you know what "by cracky" means, please write in and explain it to us.)
2. Lee's Useless Super-Hero Generator: Cresting the wave of popularity created by my mention of the Internet Anagram Server (see earlier post), I only fear that mention of this site will encumber web traffic to the point that all credit card transactions in the U.S. may cease. Hundreds of you -- nay, thousands -- wrote in to say that you enjoyed the Anagram Server, so I offer this to you, you one of many who adore me! Ha ha ha -- I've gone mad!
Ahem.
Anyway, here are my five randomly generated super identities:
Mad Enigma
Power(s): Glows in the dark, Hypnosis
Source of powers: Cybernetics
Weapon: Atomic Pitchfork
Transportation: Vibro 4x4
Wind Midget
Power(s): Super-human stamina, Super strength, Light generation/control
Source of powers: Unknown
Weapon: Foam Pellets
Transportation: Alpha SUV
Archfighter
Power(s): Energy blasts, Animate/control the dead
Source of powers: Unexplained
Weapon: Ether Hammer
Transportation: Insect Glider
Detective Tornado
Power(s): Seventh sense, Flight, Heat generation
Source of powers: Chemical
Weapon: Magnocarbine
Transportation: Crimson Chair
Stone Lad
Power(s): Friction manipulation, Psychic, Super jumping
Source of powers: Abnormal brain function
Weapon: Celestial Rifle
Transportation: Squirrel Catamaran
To be perfectly honest, I've always dreamed of sailing around the world on a catamaran made of squirrels. Uh, shooting foam pellets at people. Um, from my magnocarbine. Righhhhhhhhht. With my warcry of "Fear the Mad Enigma!" I will fight crime using only my manipulation of friction! Evil beware!
3. Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie: For protection against mind control, of course. Isn't it strange how you find these things? I had an eighth grader who was procrastinating on our career day; he was to have completed at home an online career survey called "Future Focus." Needless to say, he had not finished it and asked to use the computer in my homeroom. He started Internet Explorer, but he could not remember the name of the website where the survey was located. He decided that www.futurefocus.com was a likely site, and so he was directed here. This site, however, was for Future Focus, Inc., a corporate security and investigation site. Intrigued by the "case studies" they presented on the front page, I decided to poke around on the site. That's where I found the aluminum foil link above, and this: the greatest disclaimer in the history of mankind. After reading this, I knew that this site was being produced by one lone pasty guy in a cubicle and not the work of a shadowy organization whose resources rival those of the Central Intelligence Agency.
4. Trinkaus -- An Informal Look: From the Annals of Improbable Research, in itself a fascinating site. Trinkaus is a professor of statistics who has found the perfect way to circumvent the large university "publish or perish" mentality by publishing constantly -- about nothing. I love this guy, and the story is absolutely true.
5. The Political Graveyard: Politicians On Money: Who hasn't forgotten the name of the guy on the dollar coin? Well, I have not -- it's Eisenhower. Okay, what about the guy on the first $500 note issued by the treasury. Easy -- it's Abraham Alfonse Albert Gallatin, of course. Who was the "Poo Bah of the Confederacy," the man on the $2 Confederate note? Simple -- it's Judah Philip Benjamin. If you think for one second I knew any of those before I went to the site, well, you're correct, and I'm a huge loser.
Hopefully, like me, you can avoid most of the things that you need to be doing with these simple diversions. Rock on, people. Rock on.
