I swear to you, this is the last time.
The last time I make you read The Onion horoscopes.
Your Horoscope
By Lloyd Schumner Sr.
Retired Machinist andA.A.P.B.-Certified Astrologer
Aries: (March 21—April 19): You're getting tired of living out of boxes, but if you stop now, you'll damage your reputation as the patron saint of the cardboard cubist lifestyle.
Taurus: (April. 20—May 20): There are those who say you're just a glorified janitor, but you fail to see how the titanium mop and bucket add glory to what you do.
Gemini: (May 21—June 21): You'll soon learn the important legal and semantic differences between the phrases "folksingers should just die" and "it'd sure be nice if someone slaughtered all the folksingers."
Cancer: (June 22—July 22): Hey, it's not your fault if the others around the office don't find your horrifyingly racist sense of humor funny.
Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22): You'll be surprised and pleased to find yourself listed between Leah and Levi in Who's Who In The Bible, but you won't really like what the editors had to say.
Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22): You'll be overrun with shallow, boring romance-seekers merely because you genuinely enjoy long walks and sunsets.
Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23): There's no law about over-enjoying the work of Uriah Heep, but the judicial flexibility built into our society will see that you get what's coming to you anyway.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21): Leprosy is certainly not the problem it once was, but that might not be any consolation to you.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21): The National Hockey League lockout will have little or no effect on you, which is fairly surprising, considering you're Lord Stanley's Cup.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19): You'll experience a soufflé that sends you into a white-hot inferno of culinary passion, instantly incinerating you and everyone in the downtown restaurant district.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18): This week will be prime for advancement at work, as long as you manage to avoid the ball lightning and the other guys don't.
Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20): Good news: The airline will only charge you four Frequent Flier Miles for your violently abbreviated flight this Friday.
Saturday, September 18, 2004
Music test time!
(Oh, I might as well say it . . .)
Age test time!
That's right, humble readers. In another installment of the recurring series *****Signposts that Brad Denton has Officially Gotten Old***** I submit to you this musical pop quiz on song lyrics. My sister e-mailed me to let me know that her roommate's music appreciation class at Middle Tennessee State University took a "just for fun" pop quiz yesterday -- a pop quiz on pop music. Cool, eh? Not so -- the professor, who is four years younger than I am, created this test from some of his more favorite obscure songs from popular performers. Obscure? Maybe, but I knew 'em. Then he went even farther; he crossed the line. He labeled this music as "oldies."
That's "oldies."
Oldies.
You'll see what I mean in a minute. Let's see if you did as well as I did -- I answered all ten immediately, with very little hesitation. (No cheating! I did not use the internet, or Google my way to a better score, so you can't either!) Meredith freaked her roommate out by taking the quiz and making a four, which would have been the highest grade in the class (I made her listen to my albums when we were younger.) I have supplied the answers below, but in order to give you the same chance I had, I have interposed a nostalgia-filled aside to separate them from the questions. Here we go . . . good luck!
Name the song and performer for each of the following lyrics.
1. "Well they closed down the auto plant in Mahwah late that month
Ralph went out lookin' for a job but he couldn't find none
He came home too drunk from mixin' Tanqueray and wine . . ."
2. "The streets are lined with camera crews
Everywhere he goes is news
Today is different
Today is not the same
Today I make the action. . ."
3. "No good deed goes unpunished
And I don't mind bein' their whippin' boy
I've had that pleasure for years and years . . ."
4. "Baby nothin's guaranteed
Take back your acid rain
Baby let your T.V. bleed . . ."
5. "When your dreamboat turns out to be a footnote
I'm a man with a mission in two or three editions . . ."
6. "You say you'll give me
Eyes in a moon of blindness
A river in a time of dryness
A harbour in the tempest . . ."
7. "Reach out for me and hold me tight
Hold that memory
Let my machine talk to me,
Let my machine talk to me . . ."
8. "She was just another notch on my guitar
She's gonna lose the man that really loves her
In the silence I could hear their broken hearts . . ."
9. "Now they sit and rattle their bones and think of their bloodstoned days.
You chose your words from mouths of babes
Got lost in the wood.
The hip flask slinging madman,
Steaming cafe flirts,
In Chinatown howling at night. . ."
10. "It's nothin dangerous
I feel no pain
I've got to ch-ch-change
You know you got it when you're going insane . . ."
Answers follow!
[Begin nostalgia-filled aside]
Now, I'm not quite thirty, but I always had the musical tastes of a mulleted fifty-year-old. My first love (in many ways still my strongest) was stadium rock. I adore 60's and 70's "power" rock: Zepplin, early Stones, The Who, The Doors, Skynyrd, Boston, Rush, The Allmon Brothers (for my softer side), really anything mindlessly (or thoughtfully) guitar driven. To this day I still treasure actual albums -- LP's, 45's, records . . . whatever you want to call them, as long as they include a screaming Fender and a creepy falsetto. Save my life, I'm going down for the last time!
The first album I ever owned (purchased with my own money) was ZZ Top's Afterburner. It was well worth that $5.77.
After ZZ Top had done all the damage they could do, I entered a phase we all suffered through, namely the "Chicks Will Dig Me If I Adore Beach Music" phase. And, yes, I called them "chicks." And, yes, I used "dig" as a verb when I was in high school. And, yes, I had no idea why I couldn't get a girlfriend. For a short time, I owned every Jimmy Buffett album. I defended his talent right and left ("No. NO. Seriously. Ignore everything he's done since '79. He really had talent -- he really did. How do I accept him? Oh, I just pretend he died just before the release of Somewhere Over China, and they've used a Buffett cyborg ever since.")
Around 1992, I entered my current phase, my mature music phase. Picasso had his famous "Blue Period," and I have my "Purchase-Every-John-Cougar-Mellencamp-Album Period." He's sort of like Buffett, but he's not a cyborg. At least, I don't think he is. Even if he is, I really like his music. Go cyborgs!
[End aside. ]
Before we get to the answers, I would like to revisit my initial anger.
OLDIES????!!!!! YOU CALL THESE OLDIES???!!!!!
Ahem.
Answers:
1. "Johnny 99" by The Boss. I am considering sponsoring a federal bill that will make the purchase of Nebraska mandatory for every aspiring solo artist. Me and her, we had some fun sir, and ten innocent people died . . . sounds like my dating life.
2. Peter Gabriel, "Family Snapshot" -- great song, more murder. It was here that I first began to worry about the sanity of Meredith's professor. Ole Pete never does write too many happy, well-balanced songs, does he?
3. Of course! "Crumblin' Down" by J. C. Mellencamp, back when he still had the middle name. Deduct five points -- no, no, that's not enough! -- don't even give yourself *credit* for this one if you wrote "Crumbling."
4. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, "Jammin' Me": A song I will always remember fondly, if only for the line "Take back JOE PISCOPO!!!!" I think we're all in agreement on that one.
5. ***Guilty admission alert!!!***: I would never have known this one if it hadn't been the tagline on Matt Elliott's website AND if he hadn't taken me to three Elvis Costello concerts in the past couple of years . . . this one's "Everyday I Write the Book." I was not an E. C. fan until recently. For some reason, he never played the Dyersburg-Tatumville-RoEllen circuit in rural northwest Tennessee. We did see a lot of .38 Special, though. I suppose you must know your audience . . . and be able to hold on loosely.
6. U2, "All I Want is You": If you've seen the seminal Stiller/Garafalo/Ryder/Hawke film Reality Bites, then you already know this one as the love theme from the greatest movie ever made by humankind. Citizen Kane, Schmitizen Kane! Rosebud, my butt! Yes, I'm medicated!
7. One of my favorite songs of all time -- "World Leader Pretend" by R.E.M. Has there been a better college radio band in the history of college radio? Did you, like me, just realize that the history of college radio only encompasses about sixteen years total? Do you, like me, suddenly feel a need to dance? PRETZELS, BABY!
8. Oooooh. I adored this album, song, and artist. This is "Strong Persuader" from the Robert Cray Band; this album also included the song "Smokin' Gun," one of the best hard blues tracks of all time:
I'm standing here bewildered
I can't remember just what I've done
I can hear the sirens winding
My eyes blinded by the sun
I know that I should be running
My heart's beating just like the drum
Now they've knocked me down and taken it
That still-hot smoking gun
9. I know this courtesy of Brad Kibler, the obligatory "Friend from the Early Nineties who wanted to Stalk Natalie Merchant." Didn't everyone have one of these? Really? C'mon, admit it. You were that person, weren't you? Weren't you? There's no shame here. Anywho, the song is "Hey Jack Kerouac" by 10,000 Maniacs.
10. Have you ever been both elated and shamed at the same time? Did you ever possess a piece of information so oddly, crudely unhelpful that you were ashamed you knew it? Yet were you somehow at the same time PROUD of this knowledge? Yep -- here's where I am. This one's "Cat Scratch Fever" by the Motor City Madman, Ted Nugent.
Shall I add a rubric, or scoring scheme?
0-1: Don't feel bad, youngster. Once you start driving in seven or eight years, you'll forget all about failing this.
2-5: Partially old. You're either on the cusp of falling apart, or you're a repository of strange knowledge that should be suppressed. Get out of your house sometime!
6-8: Aged. Enjoy gumming the prunes, Gramps, 'cause these songs are supposedly "oldies."
9-10: Glacial. Your movement is measured not in distance, but in time. I'm sorry to inform you, but you have surpassed the elderly. Buck up, though, because today is tapioca pudding day at the home!
(Oh, I might as well say it . . .)
Age test time!
That's right, humble readers. In another installment of the recurring series *****Signposts that Brad Denton has Officially Gotten Old***** I submit to you this musical pop quiz on song lyrics. My sister e-mailed me to let me know that her roommate's music appreciation class at Middle Tennessee State University took a "just for fun" pop quiz yesterday -- a pop quiz on pop music. Cool, eh? Not so -- the professor, who is four years younger than I am, created this test from some of his more favorite obscure songs from popular performers. Obscure? Maybe, but I knew 'em. Then he went even farther; he crossed the line. He labeled this music as "oldies."
That's "oldies."
Oldies.
You'll see what I mean in a minute. Let's see if you did as well as I did -- I answered all ten immediately, with very little hesitation. (No cheating! I did not use the internet, or Google my way to a better score, so you can't either!) Meredith freaked her roommate out by taking the quiz and making a four, which would have been the highest grade in the class (I made her listen to my albums when we were younger.) I have supplied the answers below, but in order to give you the same chance I had, I have interposed a nostalgia-filled aside to separate them from the questions. Here we go . . . good luck!
Name the song and performer for each of the following lyrics.
1. "Well they closed down the auto plant in Mahwah late that month
Ralph went out lookin' for a job but he couldn't find none
He came home too drunk from mixin' Tanqueray and wine . . ."
2. "The streets are lined with camera crews
Everywhere he goes is news
Today is different
Today is not the same
Today I make the action. . ."
3. "No good deed goes unpunished
And I don't mind bein' their whippin' boy
I've had that pleasure for years and years . . ."
4. "Baby nothin's guaranteed
Take back your acid rain
Baby let your T.V. bleed . . ."
5. "When your dreamboat turns out to be a footnote
I'm a man with a mission in two or three editions . . ."
6. "You say you'll give me
Eyes in a moon of blindness
A river in a time of dryness
A harbour in the tempest . . ."
7. "Reach out for me and hold me tight
Hold that memory
Let my machine talk to me,
Let my machine talk to me . . ."
8. "She was just another notch on my guitar
She's gonna lose the man that really loves her
In the silence I could hear their broken hearts . . ."
9. "Now they sit and rattle their bones and think of their bloodstoned days.
You chose your words from mouths of babes
Got lost in the wood.
The hip flask slinging madman,
Steaming cafe flirts,
In Chinatown howling at night. . ."
10. "It's nothin dangerous
I feel no pain
I've got to ch-ch-change
You know you got it when you're going insane . . ."
Answers follow!
[Begin nostalgia-filled aside]
Now, I'm not quite thirty, but I always had the musical tastes of a mulleted fifty-year-old. My first love (in many ways still my strongest) was stadium rock. I adore 60's and 70's "power" rock: Zepplin, early Stones, The Who, The Doors, Skynyrd, Boston, Rush, The Allmon Brothers (for my softer side), really anything mindlessly (or thoughtfully) guitar driven. To this day I still treasure actual albums -- LP's, 45's, records . . . whatever you want to call them, as long as they include a screaming Fender and a creepy falsetto. Save my life, I'm going down for the last time!
The first album I ever owned (purchased with my own money) was ZZ Top's Afterburner. It was well worth that $5.77.
After ZZ Top had done all the damage they could do, I entered a phase we all suffered through, namely the "Chicks Will Dig Me If I Adore Beach Music" phase. And, yes, I called them "chicks." And, yes, I used "dig" as a verb when I was in high school. And, yes, I had no idea why I couldn't get a girlfriend. For a short time, I owned every Jimmy Buffett album. I defended his talent right and left ("No. NO. Seriously. Ignore everything he's done since '79. He really had talent -- he really did. How do I accept him? Oh, I just pretend he died just before the release of Somewhere Over China, and they've used a Buffett cyborg ever since.")
Around 1992, I entered my current phase, my mature music phase. Picasso had his famous "Blue Period," and I have my "Purchase-Every-John-Cougar-Mellencamp-Album Period." He's sort of like Buffett, but he's not a cyborg. At least, I don't think he is. Even if he is, I really like his music. Go cyborgs!
[End aside. ]
Before we get to the answers, I would like to revisit my initial anger.
OLDIES????!!!!! YOU CALL THESE OLDIES???!!!!!
Ahem.
Answers:
1. "Johnny 99" by The Boss. I am considering sponsoring a federal bill that will make the purchase of Nebraska mandatory for every aspiring solo artist. Me and her, we had some fun sir, and ten innocent people died . . . sounds like my dating life.
2. Peter Gabriel, "Family Snapshot" -- great song, more murder. It was here that I first began to worry about the sanity of Meredith's professor. Ole Pete never does write too many happy, well-balanced songs, does he?
3. Of course! "Crumblin' Down" by J. C. Mellencamp, back when he still had the middle name. Deduct five points -- no, no, that's not enough! -- don't even give yourself *credit* for this one if you wrote "Crumbling."
4. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, "Jammin' Me": A song I will always remember fondly, if only for the line "Take back JOE PISCOPO!!!!" I think we're all in agreement on that one.
5. ***Guilty admission alert!!!***: I would never have known this one if it hadn't been the tagline on Matt Elliott's website AND if he hadn't taken me to three Elvis Costello concerts in the past couple of years . . . this one's "Everyday I Write the Book." I was not an E. C. fan until recently. For some reason, he never played the Dyersburg-Tatumville-RoEllen circuit in rural northwest Tennessee. We did see a lot of .38 Special, though. I suppose you must know your audience . . . and be able to hold on loosely.
6. U2, "All I Want is You": If you've seen the seminal Stiller/Garafalo/Ryder/Hawke film Reality Bites, then you already know this one as the love theme from the greatest movie ever made by humankind. Citizen Kane, Schmitizen Kane! Rosebud, my butt! Yes, I'm medicated!
7. One of my favorite songs of all time -- "World Leader Pretend" by R.E.M. Has there been a better college radio band in the history of college radio? Did you, like me, just realize that the history of college radio only encompasses about sixteen years total? Do you, like me, suddenly feel a need to dance? PRETZELS, BABY!
8. Oooooh. I adored this album, song, and artist. This is "Strong Persuader" from the Robert Cray Band; this album also included the song "Smokin' Gun," one of the best hard blues tracks of all time:
I'm standing here bewildered
I can't remember just what I've done
I can hear the sirens winding
My eyes blinded by the sun
I know that I should be running
My heart's beating just like the drum
Now they've knocked me down and taken it
That still-hot smoking gun
9. I know this courtesy of Brad Kibler, the obligatory "Friend from the Early Nineties who wanted to Stalk Natalie Merchant." Didn't everyone have one of these? Really? C'mon, admit it. You were that person, weren't you? Weren't you? There's no shame here. Anywho, the song is "Hey Jack Kerouac" by 10,000 Maniacs.
10. Have you ever been both elated and shamed at the same time? Did you ever possess a piece of information so oddly, crudely unhelpful that you were ashamed you knew it? Yet were you somehow at the same time PROUD of this knowledge? Yep -- here's where I am. This one's "Cat Scratch Fever" by the Motor City Madman, Ted Nugent.
Shall I add a rubric, or scoring scheme?
0-1: Don't feel bad, youngster. Once you start driving in seven or eight years, you'll forget all about failing this.
2-5: Partially old. You're either on the cusp of falling apart, or you're a repository of strange knowledge that should be suppressed. Get out of your house sometime!
6-8: Aged. Enjoy gumming the prunes, Gramps, 'cause these songs are supposedly "oldies."
9-10: Glacial. Your movement is measured not in distance, but in time. I'm sorry to inform you, but you have surpassed the elderly. Buck up, though, because today is tapioca pudding day at the home!
Saturday, September 11, 2004
Bleary-eyed, groaning, dare-I-say --gassy--, our hero turns his attention away from the endless headlines scrolling at the bottom of the ESPNNews ticker ("MIAMI BEATS FLORIDA STATE 16-10 IN OVERTIME!!!!!!!!"; "ROBBY GORDON WINS THE EMERSON RADIO 250!!!!!") and toward his blog.
"Hoo-boy," he says, "hoo-boy -- I'm a tired toto."
Opening Microsoft Outlook, he sees an e-mail message. 'Hello there -- what's this?' he thinks, tiredly. 'Is anything worth keeping me awake any longer?'
Of course there is.
He sees the one thing that will keep him awake, and make him post.
That's right.
It's The Onion horoscopes.
Your Horoscope
By Lloyd Schumner Sr.
Retired Machinist and A.A.P.B.-Certified Astrologer
Aries: (March 21—April 19) Your beloved Sparky will shock you by traveling 1,000 miles back to you. But then again, loyalty is the reason you married him in the first place.
Taurus: (April. 20—May 20) It's going to be a busy, nerve-wracking week, but by the end, you'll be elevated to Imperator For Life Of The Greater Taurus Economic Co-Prosperity Sphere.
Gemini: (May 21—June 21) No one's ever called you a rich, sexy genius, but that was before National Say Hurtfully Untrue Things Day.
Cancer: (June 22—July 22) You'll help realize Western civilization's oldest dream, but it's only the one about getting to school late on exam day.
Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22) An unlikely coincidence involving the spontaneous combustion of your trousers and their subsequent suspension from communications cables will not be enough to teach you to tell the truth.
Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22) You're working hard on your list of songs you want played at your funeral, but the flawed premise of the project is that it assumes the presence of attendees.
Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23) Your reading group insists that the Iowa School is more concerned with list-making than with producing good fiction, but frankly, you just wanted to talk about hobbits.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21) Don't waste time developing a healthy body image, as your body will look a h**l of a lot different starting Thursday.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21) Romance and a felicitous atmosphere for new projects are foretold by the moon passing through your sign this week, as well as—wait a second! That's no moon!
Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19) It's difficult to be compassionate and loving in today's increasingly cruel world. The term "diminishing returns" comes to mind.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18) You'll be repeatedly cited as a living refutation of the Great Man theory of history.
Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20) All the stars in your sign have an important message of hope, but you may not get it before the sudden explosion in your galactic spiral arm Wednesday.
(from The Onion, VOLUME 40 ISSUE 36, 8 SEPTEMBER 2004; accessed 10 September 2004.)
"Hoo-boy," he says, "hoo-boy -- I'm a tired toto."
Opening Microsoft Outlook, he sees an e-mail message. 'Hello there -- what's this?' he thinks, tiredly. 'Is anything worth keeping me awake any longer?'
Of course there is.
He sees the one thing that will keep him awake, and make him post.
That's right.
It's The Onion horoscopes.
Your Horoscope
By Lloyd Schumner Sr.
Retired Machinist and A.A.P.B.-Certified Astrologer
Aries: (March 21—April 19) Your beloved Sparky will shock you by traveling 1,000 miles back to you. But then again, loyalty is the reason you married him in the first place.
Taurus: (April. 20—May 20) It's going to be a busy, nerve-wracking week, but by the end, you'll be elevated to Imperator For Life Of The Greater Taurus Economic Co-Prosperity Sphere.
Gemini: (May 21—June 21) No one's ever called you a rich, sexy genius, but that was before National Say Hurtfully Untrue Things Day.
Cancer: (June 22—July 22) You'll help realize Western civilization's oldest dream, but it's only the one about getting to school late on exam day.
Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22) An unlikely coincidence involving the spontaneous combustion of your trousers and their subsequent suspension from communications cables will not be enough to teach you to tell the truth.
Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22) You're working hard on your list of songs you want played at your funeral, but the flawed premise of the project is that it assumes the presence of attendees.
Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23) Your reading group insists that the Iowa School is more concerned with list-making than with producing good fiction, but frankly, you just wanted to talk about hobbits.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21) Don't waste time developing a healthy body image, as your body will look a h**l of a lot different starting Thursday.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21) Romance and a felicitous atmosphere for new projects are foretold by the moon passing through your sign this week, as well as—wait a second! That's no moon!
Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19) It's difficult to be compassionate and loving in today's increasingly cruel world. The term "diminishing returns" comes to mind.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18) You'll be repeatedly cited as a living refutation of the Great Man theory of history.
Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20) All the stars in your sign have an important message of hope, but you may not get it before the sudden explosion in your galactic spiral arm Wednesday.
(from The Onion, VOLUME 40 ISSUE 36, 8 SEPTEMBER 2004; accessed 10 September 2004.)
Saturday, September 04, 2004
Why only post once, when you can post twice? I just had to write in on this while it was on my mind.
Matt Elliott (you can view his blog here) keeps me abreast of all things political, and he e-mailed me a wonderful link to Travis Stanley's blog. The page I have hyperlinked discusses Bush's recent acceptance of the Republican nomination. It's a magnificent refutation of Bush's asinine implication that democracy is the only God-ordained form of government; Travis says this much better than I can:
Before you criticize me, let me say, "I'm not saying Sadaam was a good leader. I am not saying Iraq is worse off without him there. I'm not saying democracy is not an improvement from dictatorship." So, don't criticize me with any of these statements. There are plenty of other things to criticize me for, so be creative. What I am saying, however, is that regardless of the benefits we experience with democracy that does not mean democracy is a divine right or the only acceptable form of government under God. If you would, think back with me to the book of 1 Samuel. When God decided to directly intervene in the politics of a particular nation called Israel, what kind of government did He establish? Hmm...Democracy? WRONG! I believe God established a monarchy, complete with a king who was either put on the throne because God directed a prophet to anoint him as king or he simply inherited the throne by blood. There were no elections. There was neither a House of Representatives nor a Senate. There was a king and a nation that followed his leadership. I'm not saying this was good. I'm not saying that monarchy is the answer to the world. But I find it problematic to say that democracy is the only "God-ordained" form of government when the only biblical account of a "God-ordained government" was a monarchy.
(from http://travisstanley.blogspot.com/2004/09/problematic-bush.html; Travis Stanley, owner/operator, accessed by me 8/04/2004 at 10:15 PM)
My only question here would be, hey, did God really ordain the monarchy? Didn't God establish the monarchy only at the behest of the people of Israel, who wanted a king just like all of the other countries that surrounded them? I thought that God really ordained the concept of the ruling judges, hence the O.T. book named, appropriately enough, Judges. (This is about as deep as I get -- I hope you weren't looking for an in-depth exegesis or something.)
In thinking about this, I became really excited by the idea.
If God wanted us to have judges, doesn't that mean that He tacitly agrees that laws cannot be static?
Think about it: if the law were simply the law, then why would judges be needed? Doesn't this imply that each case must be handled on an individual basis? If you steal because you starve, and not out of a wish to harm someone else at your expense, do you get the same punishment as the one who stole to harm? If there were no judges, then the punishment would just be the punishment . . . no questions asked.
Plus, the idea of a wise, trained council, chosen by God -- it's really the concept of eldership or shepherds that churches still use today, isn't it?
Wisdom-based leadership. That's what the concept of judges boils down to, doesn't it?
Of course, I'm going right now to the old KJV and make sure that I got this right. If I didn't, well, it's something to think about anyway. Make sure you completely read Travis' post -- it's excellent, and it's much more thought-provoking than this one.
Matt Elliott (you can view his blog here) keeps me abreast of all things political, and he e-mailed me a wonderful link to Travis Stanley's blog. The page I have hyperlinked discusses Bush's recent acceptance of the Republican nomination. It's a magnificent refutation of Bush's asinine implication that democracy is the only God-ordained form of government; Travis says this much better than I can:
Before you criticize me, let me say, "I'm not saying Sadaam was a good leader. I am not saying Iraq is worse off without him there. I'm not saying democracy is not an improvement from dictatorship." So, don't criticize me with any of these statements. There are plenty of other things to criticize me for, so be creative. What I am saying, however, is that regardless of the benefits we experience with democracy that does not mean democracy is a divine right or the only acceptable form of government under God. If you would, think back with me to the book of 1 Samuel. When God decided to directly intervene in the politics of a particular nation called Israel, what kind of government did He establish? Hmm...Democracy? WRONG! I believe God established a monarchy, complete with a king who was either put on the throne because God directed a prophet to anoint him as king or he simply inherited the throne by blood. There were no elections. There was neither a House of Representatives nor a Senate. There was a king and a nation that followed his leadership. I'm not saying this was good. I'm not saying that monarchy is the answer to the world. But I find it problematic to say that democracy is the only "God-ordained" form of government when the only biblical account of a "God-ordained government" was a monarchy.
(from http://travisstanley.blogspot.com/2004/09/problematic-bush.html; Travis Stanley, owner/operator, accessed by me 8/04/2004 at 10:15 PM)
My only question here would be, hey, did God really ordain the monarchy? Didn't God establish the monarchy only at the behest of the people of Israel, who wanted a king just like all of the other countries that surrounded them? I thought that God really ordained the concept of the ruling judges, hence the O.T. book named, appropriately enough, Judges. (This is about as deep as I get -- I hope you weren't looking for an in-depth exegesis or something.)
In thinking about this, I became really excited by the idea.
If God wanted us to have judges, doesn't that mean that He tacitly agrees that laws cannot be static?
Think about it: if the law were simply the law, then why would judges be needed? Doesn't this imply that each case must be handled on an individual basis? If you steal because you starve, and not out of a wish to harm someone else at your expense, do you get the same punishment as the one who stole to harm? If there were no judges, then the punishment would just be the punishment . . . no questions asked.
Plus, the idea of a wise, trained council, chosen by God -- it's really the concept of eldership or shepherds that churches still use today, isn't it?
Wisdom-based leadership. That's what the concept of judges boils down to, doesn't it?
Of course, I'm going right now to the old KJV and make sure that I got this right. If I didn't, well, it's something to think about anyway. Make sure you completely read Travis' post -- it's excellent, and it's much more thought-provoking than this one.
I love the internet.
Recently, Merriam-Webster online held a poll to identify the top ten favorite words chosen by the visitors to their website; the results are here. I don't want to ruin this for you, but the top word chosen was also my favorite word, the word "defenestration." Here's the definition, from Merriam-Webster online:
Main Entry: de·fen·es·tra·tion
Pronunciation: (")dE-"fe-n&-'strA-sh&n
Function: noun
Etymology: de- + Latin fenestra window
: a throwing of a person or thing out of a window
- de·fen·es·trate /(")dE-'fe-n&-"strAt/ transitive verb
Just try and use that puppy in a sentence, will you? What a fabulous, unmarketable, incredibly specific term. ("Walter defenestrated the elephant to create an escape route." or "We were quiet throughout the sermon, but we all gasped at the defenestration." or "The defenestration of Betty opened the door to my own.")
For those of you who think that's random, here's one of the photographs that comes up when you put my name, Brad Denton, into the Google Image Search directory:
What are they doing?
------------------------------------------------
I've been reading again.
I don't have time (we're already late for a dinner date, Jami and I) to write down everything I should about the wonderful things I read over the summer, but know that a huge book geekfest is coming. Soon. I'm currently reading Faulkner's Sanctuary, with an eye towards re-reading Light in August -- great stuff, this, and inspired by reading my aide's great paper on As I Lay Dying. Faulkner, now, that boy could string words together. I'm excited by the prospect of revisiting his work for the first time in four or five years. Man alive!
You know what? The only thing better than reading . . .
. . . is re-reading. (What did you think I'd say? Heroin, or something? It's a family friendly blog!)
Recently, Merriam-Webster online held a poll to identify the top ten favorite words chosen by the visitors to their website; the results are here. I don't want to ruin this for you, but the top word chosen was also my favorite word, the word "defenestration." Here's the definition, from Merriam-Webster online:
Main Entry: de·fen·es·tra·tion
Pronunciation: (")dE-"fe-n&-'strA-sh&n
Function: noun
Etymology: de- + Latin fenestra window
: a throwing of a person or thing out of a window
- de·fen·es·trate /(")dE-'fe-n&-"strAt/ transitive verb
Just try and use that puppy in a sentence, will you? What a fabulous, unmarketable, incredibly specific term. ("Walter defenestrated the elephant to create an escape route." or "We were quiet throughout the sermon, but we all gasped at the defenestration." or "The defenestration of Betty opened the door to my own.")
For those of you who think that's random, here's one of the photographs that comes up when you put my name, Brad Denton, into the Google Image Search directory:
What are they doing?
------------------------------------------------
I've been reading again.
I don't have time (we're already late for a dinner date, Jami and I) to write down everything I should about the wonderful things I read over the summer, but know that a huge book geekfest is coming. Soon. I'm currently reading Faulkner's Sanctuary, with an eye towards re-reading Light in August -- great stuff, this, and inspired by reading my aide's great paper on As I Lay Dying. Faulkner, now, that boy could string words together. I'm excited by the prospect of revisiting his work for the first time in four or five years. Man alive!
You know what? The only thing better than reading . . .
. . . is re-reading. (What did you think I'd say? Heroin, or something? It's a family friendly blog!)
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